


My Beating Heart

by LinnyBear



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst literally no one asked for, F/F, Fictober 2016, bc this is DnD after all, mild Episode 40 spoilers, the archive warning is a technicality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 03:51:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8235095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinnyBear/pseuds/LinnyBear
Summary: Vox Machina often returns to Whitestone with blood on their hands, a storm at their heels - and a figure, too still, in their arms.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> (part one written to fill the prompt "heart" for fictober 2016)
> 
> wow does this ship need some angst because HERE THE FUCK I AM

Allura is distracted, and exhausted. She’s crossing the town square to return home for a brief rest. Soon, she’ll be needed once again to help maintain the shield, or else watch Shaun nearly kill himself doing it all alone, again. The city is quiet, peaceful – likely, more afraid than calm.

But Vox Machina often returns to Whitestone with blood on their hands and a storm at their heels, and this time is no different. 

The minute they step out of the Suntree, they’re shouting. From a distance, she can’t quite make out their words, but she can see the blood on faces, on their armor, the exhaustion in their steps. She turns, circling back to greet them. As she approaches, their words are clear.

“Pike! Have you – has anyone seen Pike? Is she at the temple? We _need her,_ and soon, we – “

They notice Allura and freeze.

_Blood on their hands, a storm at their heels, a figure in their arms…_

Grog is holding Kima, and it seems… Wrong. She’s far too still. And the look Vax’ildan is giving her is pained, and apologetic. Scanlan is the first to finally break the silence.

“We can save her. We just need Pike.”

“Save her from what?” Allura nearly chokes on the words. She reaches out to touch Kima’s face, and it’s cold. She’s cold, and far too still, and she’s _never_ still, even in sleep she tosses, and turns, winds the covers all up around herself like –

She shakes her head. She’s dreaming. That has to be it.

“Allura.” She feels a hand on her shoulder. Keyleth’s, she realizes. “Where is Pike?”

“The temple, last I knew.” She brushes a stray bit of hair from Kima’s _too still_ face. “May I?” Grog allows her to take Kima from his arms. Her armor is heavy, and Allura is tired, but she carries her still, and follows Vox Machina to the temple.

Her own heart is pounding. She silently wills Kima’s heart to join it soon.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (fills the fictober 2016 prompt "cruel". Also contains sort of vague spoilers for ep 40.)
> 
> Special thank you to Dammit_Hawke for being my beta and loving girfriend, which means suffering before anyone else does. Also thanks to vehlr for helping me sort out the personality of this particular pantheon. It might come a bit more into play later ;)

Allura fears, of course, that Sarenrae won’t be willing to bring one of Bahamut’s paladins back so easily. She doesn’t understand the gods well, but knows some to be cruel, knows they would destroy worlds out of petty spite.

Pike is optimistic, though, when she speaks the thought aloud. “I don’t know much about Bahamut, to be honest.” She helps Allura gently ease Kima onto the altar, and sets to peeling off some of her armor to expose her wounds. “And I don’t know his personal history with Sarenrae. But I do know He, at least, looks out for his own. And Sarenrae helps anyone who needs it.”

“Even if that someone’s… pledged to another god?”

Pike pauses her work, and nods slowly. “Ah. I see.” She reaches out a moment, brushes the holy symbol around Kima’s neck. “Kima is a champion of Bahamut. Even if Sarenrae can’t help, he won’t abandon her. I’m sure of it.”

Allura swallows, fears settling. Except… “And what if Kima doesn’t – “

“She wants to come back.” Pike’s smile turns  _ mischievous,  _ just for a moment. “Trust me. She has things to continue living for here.”

“And she’s too badass to just die for good” Grog adds from behind her.

Allura only nods. Traces her fingers over one of Kima’s hands.

She doesn’t allow herself to take in Kima’s injuries until then. She knew it would break her heart to see, and  _ oh  _ it does. Bruises are scattered across her skin, a stark contrast to the death pallor that’s set in. There’s just entirely too much blood, and Allura refuses to believe it’s all Kima’s. She’d covered in gashes that won’t heal, not now, not before she’s back.

She  _ will  _ come back.

“Now.” Pike finishes setting up the pieces of the ritual. “I need some space. At least to start. I’ll likely need your help soon – this takes all of us really.”

“Of course.” She takes a final, deep breath, and steps back to join the rest of Vox Machina beside the altar.

Keyeleth takes Allura’s hand. Reaches up to wipe a tear from her cheek. Before then, she wasn’t aware she had been crying. Still, the gesture is grounding.

In all her life, Allura had only felt this helpless twice. Once, all those years ago, watching her own family sacrifice themselves to seal Thordak away. Again, while she watched the same dragon destroy her home, threaten the lives of yet another found family, destroy the innocent. Knowing, all the while, this was her doing. Her carelessness, her negligence.

And now, again, she feels helpless. Those who speak of her great power with the arcane have never watched at the side of a fallen loved one, silently praying to any god who might listen that this will be enough. They’ve never seen her weep at how small Kima seems, at how still she remains, even as the gnome cleric pours all the divine energy she must have into returning her soul.

“Are you ready?” Pike asks, her voice a little strained. Without hesitation, Vax steps forward, places a hand on Kima’s forehead. Whispers something in her ear. Then places a single black feather on her chest.

The feather sparks and burns, but the flames never touch Kima at all. Instead, the power that drifts from Pike’s hands seems to surge, and Kima lifts from the altar, just enough.

“Anyone else? I think we’re almost there.”

It’s Grog, next. He pulls a jug from his bag of holding, murmurs something that sounds like “Ale,” into it, and sets it on the altar beside the Halfling. “This is yours if you get up, you tiny badass.” Then he pats her shoulder, ruffles Pike’s hair, and returns to his friends’ sides.

Another surge of Pike’s power. The healer closes her eyes, breathes deeply, and finally, locks eyes with Allura.

“She needs another pull, Allura. I think it has to be you.”

Keyleth squeezes her hand. Vex nudges her forward by the shoulder. Allura moves, steps slow and deliberate, to Kima’s side.

She doesn’t know what to do. She has no great holy symbols to offer, no gestures or promises. She isn’t one to put too much in the gods, but oh, she would join a convent tomorrow to make this work.

She traces her fingers over Kima’s face. Traces it along the scars, brushes blood-crusted hair back. Her thumb outlines Kima’s eyes, her nose, her lips, her jaw. And all she can think is that this is real. Kima, for all her strength, is dead and lifeless beneath Allura’s fingertips. The lips won’t give her that cocky, crooked grin. Her eyes won’t shine with affection and amusement as she pretends to understand a single word of the arcanist’s impromptu lectures. She won’t gripe about Allura’s “overly fancy” taste in décor and dress, while still brushing her calloused fingers down silken robes, lacing their hands together while still complaining.

If this doesn’t work, Kima is  _ gone _ .

And Allura feels powerless to stop it.

She lets out a shaky breath. Bends down to press a kiss to Kima’s forehead. “Please,  _ please  _ don’t leave me here.” She whispers. And presses another, more desperate kiss to Kima’s lips.

The minute their lips make contact, the world shifts around her.


	3. Part 3

When she opens her eyes, Allura is standing on a high, rocky plateau in the center of a seemingly endless canyon. The wind picks up around her, whipping around her robes, her hair, threatening to throw her into the abyss below. She braces herself against it, wraps her arms around her to fight the sudden chill.

Before long, a figure slowly approaches. As he grows closer, she can see him clearly: an older man with a long, silvery beard that tapers to his waist. His robes are tattered, his posture somewhat hunched. He reaches up to feed a few seeds to one of the many canaries that sits upon his shoulders.

He sees her, and smiles, the oddest twinkle in his eye.

“So.” He begins. “This is certainly interesting. And here I thought my dear Champion’s fate could not become more… Shall I say, complicated? Yes, I believe that’s right.”

Allura swallows, suddenly understanding. “Bahamut.”

He merely laughs. “Well, yes. And no. I’m a vision, but you knew that.”

“Why am I here?”

“Why, you wanted to speak with me. Did you not?”

 _Did_ she, though? In all her pleading, had she asked for this, without realizing? “I suppose. But I wasn’t aware that all desperate prayers were met with personal visits.”

“Only the important ones.” Bahamut smiles again, straightening a bit more. For a moment, she can see him for more than his frail guise, as an unmistakable power settles over him. “Champion Kima’s fate in the mortal plane is not yet done. There is more, yet, for her to do, to prevent my kin - should they be allowed the honor to be called such - to destroy your home.” One of the canaries has left his side, and settles instead on Allura’s shoulder. “And of course, your fates are linked, rather permanently.”

“I… Are they?”

His laugh echoes about the canyon. “Of course! Or else why would you be here now? Quite an interesting thing, the love you mortals have for each other. Such a great tool in the best and worst times, and quite the motivator! But, I ramble.” He waves his hand, as a canary preens at his temple.

“I don’t understand.” Allura speaks slowly, carefully. “Why me? Why now?”

“Oh, don't worry about all that. It will make sense in time. For now, this moment in your plane is over, and you must return. And, so must she.” The canary on her shoulder spreads its wings, flies up, and up -

And a dragon leaves the plateau in its place. Each of the others follow behind.

“And, so must I. Be well, Mortal, love her with all you can.”

And the Platinum Dragon spreads his wings, and flies off into the infinite horizon.

 -

Allura comes to with a shock, steps back from the altar. If anyone noticed her absence, they don’t mention it.

Pike, however, is eyeing her _very_ oddly - as is Vax, she notices -  but neither say anything.

Vex takes Allura’s hand, draws her back to the rest of the group. “She’ll be alright.” She whispers, not letting go. “Whatever you just did… It was incredible. And so is Pike.”

The next several minutes pass in silence. Allura thinks they are the longest of her life. There is only the stillness of the divine energy that surrounds Kima, that pours from Pike. Allura watches Kima, hoping for the rise and fall that means she’s breathing again. Hoping for her eyes to open, her lips to move, her heart to beat.

But there’s nothing.

And nothing.

And still, nothing.

And Allura fears her vision was a hallucination, brought on by wishful thinking.

But, then…

Kima convulses, taking in a breath so strong and sharp it echoes around the temple chamber. Even as she coughs, and sputters, Pike continues to pour light into her, and the gashes that mark Kima’s skin begin to close.

Allura doesn’t remember moving, but she’s at Kima’s side in an instant. Arms around her, sitting her upright, pulling her close, and she’s _warm,_ and breathing, hands grasping for purchase at Allura’s robes while she finds her bearings.

“Shit, woman.” Kima’s voice is hoarse, but it’s real and strong and _hers._ “Just try and smother me, please.” But she doesn’t pull away, doesn’t protest the kisses Allura is suddenly peppering along the crown of her head.

“Don’t you do that again.” Allura says, choked. “Don’t you ever. I’ll come for your spirit myself, I swear.”

Kima only laughs, and Allura joins her, tears suddenly streaming down her face again. With one more kiss to her forehead, then her lips, she steps back to let Vox Machina have their turn to welcome their friend back from death.

She never lets go of Kima’s hand. No one protests.

 -

Kima sleeps most of the next day, while Allura frets. She makes sure the halfling eats whenever she wakes, insists on checking to make sure she’s healing properly. Pike - bless her dear heart - never complains when Allura has questions, asks if this is normal, if that should be better, should she sleep this much? Should she still be in this much pain? She answers patiently, and refuses to accept credit the dozen or so times Allura repeats her gratitude for bringing Kima back.

It’s barely sunrise when Kima wanders into the sitting room,  wearing one of Allura’s tunics, hair coming out of its braid, sticking out at odd angles. She plops down on the couch beside Allura, immediately leaning her head against the taller woman’s shoulder.

Allura sets the scroll she had been transcribing aside, and wraps an arm around Kima. “How are you feeling?”

“Honestly? Like shit. But, less like shit than yesterday.” She reaches for Allura’s hand, winding their fingers together.

“That’s good to hear, I suppose.” She presses a gentle kiss to the top of Kima’s head, and is rewarded with a soft hum of approval.

“How about you?” And it’s a ridiculous thing to ask - Allura hadn’t been the one to die, after all - but of _course_ she would, the impossible woman.

“Better, now.” She replies, honestly. “Much better.”

Kima falls asleep again rather quickly after that. Allura follows closely behind, soothed into a restful sleep by the soft, reassuring rhythm of Kima’s breathing.

Outside, a canary sings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want this fic to be described as "The one where Kima comes back to life after Bahamut himself sanctions the gay that is Kimallura."
> 
> Again, a huge thank you to Dammit_Hawke and vehlr for helping me talk through the details of some of these scenes, and for experiencing the pain before anyone else had to.
> 
> And of course, thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did.
> 
> (I should also note that this is being published on mine and Dammit_Hawke's 2 year anniversary. Blessed be the gay <3 )


End file.
